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Ruby Ridge Living

Ruby Ridge Chubby Hubbys

by Ruby Ridge
              ruby@slmetro.com

Petals, before I get into my column I desperately need to get something off my chest that is absolutely consuming me. Thomas Kinkade (The Painter of Light) needs to die. I’m sure he’s probably a very nice man, but his saccharine paintings of cottages and rustic bridges, collectibles, and schmaltzy products (including, I kid you not, golf gear and nightlights) are just killing me. For those of you unfamiliar with his “art,” Thomas Kinkade is to painting what Richard Paul Evans (the author of The Christmas Box) is to literature. He’s commercially successful but so over hyped and so damn cloyingly gooey that you just want him dead.
      Speaking of which ... I was in the West Valley Sam’s Club a few weeks back and there was Mr. Evans signing his latest “just-in-time-for-Christmas-gift-giving-to-people-you-don’t-really-love-but-you-feel-obligated-to-buy-something-under-20-bucks-for” book. It’s funny Muffins, I never thought of myself as a particularly religious person, but there I was, surrounded by fleece pull­overs probably made by Chinese prison laborers, fervently praying to God with all my might that a pallet of deep frying turkey cookers would fall on Richard Paul Evans and crush him. Now I’m not totally familiar with their lingo, but I think that’s what the Religious Right calls a “faith-based initiative.” I might be wrong though.
      Anyway Kittens, the real gist of my column is about the Gay Men’s Health Summit that was held at the Hilton last week. The Utah AIDS Foundation and the hard-working event committee did a great job. I was able to attend a seminar on Gay Men and Obesity. Now Petals, I am not grossly overweight but let’s face it, I’m not exactly svelte either. In five inch heels and an 18 inch wig I barely become what the self-appointed body Nazis of the gay chat rooms call “Height and Weight Proportionate” which we all know is thinly-veiled code for “no fatties.” Cherubs, I am here to defiantly tell you that big can be beautiful … but more importantly, us big girls can kick your skinny little butts, survive longer without food (although we are WAY not happy about it!) and float longer in frigid water without getting hypothermia. So there! Go eat a Trisket and shut the hell up.
      Anyway Peaches, we had a fascinating discussion about body image, the sexual economy and how we see ourselves, and how we objectify others. The facilitator raised an interesting point. Negative body image affects almost everyone in our community. For all of the husky gay men struggling to lose weight, there are thousands more trying to gain weight, bulk up, or add muscle tone in a constant effort to avoiding aging, strive for porn image-perfect looks, or overcompensating for some unresolved emotional issues. It’s not healthy people! We spend all sorts of money, time and energy grasping for unattainable results while ignoring the basic health and wellness concepts which would actually do us some good—like getting adequate rest, enjoying social support from our peers, doing some moderate exercise and reasonable dieting, and toning down our excesses of alcohol and drugs, etc., etc.
      Now darlings, I know this is going to be unpopular with some of you, but if we wanted to dramatically improve gay men’s (and women’s) health tomorrow, then we would encourage our partners, friends, and acquaintances to quit smoking. It would produce HUGE benefits and we would all live longer and healthier, whether you are skinny, proportionate, or a curvaceous big boned gal like me. Ciao Muffins!

Ruby Ridge is one of the more opinionated members of the Utah Cyber Sluts, a camp drag group of performers who raise funds and support local charities. Her opinions are her own and fluctuate wildly due to irritability and getting food poisoning from a Reuben Melt at the West Valley Village Inn this afternoon.

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