Before we start, I should mention that this is my last regular installment for QSaltLake rather than just disappearing without explanation in June. I’ll be graduating the last day of May and relocating to New York City shortly thereafter. My life, it is a-changing.
Things are no longer mapped out for me. There is no schedule of required classes that I must take. It’s a very exciting time, but a sad time, because I’m facing the loss of so much that is familiar. But I wouldn’t trade my life and where I am right now for any other situation.
Along with the grief and excitement there is also fear. I would say that I am afraid, but that’s not exactly right. I feel fear about all that is unknown in my future, but I’m not afraid. I’ve thought of a lot of reasons why I shouldn’t turn my life upside down and move across the country, but each and every one of those reasons is based in fear. My decision to go, on the other hand, is based on the big picture of my life. It’s this bigger perspective that tells me if I don’t do it now then I never will, and I will regret it later.
My own move got me thinking about the role plays in all of our lives. I’ve learned that our fear represses us, not our religious upbringings or our life circumstances. It’s the fear within us that we might try and fail to be better, to be different, to be happy, to be free and the inaction this fear causes that keeps us from living on a higher plane. And it’s not just your own fear that can repress you.
People will often doubt your ability to do something because they doubt their own ability. I have a friend who has been living in New York City for the last two years and there are still people who question his ability to successfully do so. Many people filter their vision of what’s possible for you by comparing it to what they think is possible for them. Needless to say, these people often sell themselves short.
Not wanting to sell myself short I’ve asked myself how I can leave the life I have in Utah. Here I’m surrounded by family and friends, people I love, and who love me. There is familiarity and comfort here, so how can I possibly pick up and move across the country? Well, I don’t believe that life can remain as it is, in some sort of suspended animation. Life moves on, and you’d do well to keep moving with it. Attempting to keep things as they are is a very efficient way to drain the vitality and happiness out of your existence. After all, life is much shorter than any of us can understand from our mortal perspective. If this life is all that I have then I’m determined to live the hell out of it. And if there is something more to come, then I will welcome whatever it may be. I’ve resolved to live and experience my life as I know it now. What else can you do?
The only reason I’ve ever written in a public forum is the chance that something I share might be of value to another. But there have been many unexpected benefits that have come to me through this column. A quote from one of my last nursing school lectures explains it well: “Increasing one’s openness to self and others is the basis for being able to establish healthier interpersonal relationships.” And that’s really what life breaks down to, interpersonal relationships. You can throw a party, but if you don’t let anyone in the front door then you aren’t going to have a very good time. This column has allowed me to let you in and I’m much the better for it. So, thank you.
I hope for you what I hope for myself; that you love honestly and live openly, and that the dreams that don’t come true pass quietly and are overshadowed by even greater realities.
QSaltLake would like to thank David for his hard work and contributions, and give him our warmest wishes for a sucessful and happy future in the Big Apple. Hey, David. Remember us to Broadway because we'll always remember you.