Ruby Ridge

Caribou Barbie

So let me get this straight. HE MET HER ONCE?! Are you freaking kidding me? Apparently John McCain’s exhaustive vetting process for Sarah Palin consisted of one meeting and a couple of phone calls. That’s it. That’s all. The End. Um, I don’t quite know how to say this, John, but that may work for Larry Craig setting up a no-strings-attached sex date on Gay.com, but not so much if you’re nominating a candidate for the Vice President of the United States. For hell’s sake, the guy at McDonalds filling the napkin dispenser has more of a background check than that. 

This bizarre “decision making” from McCain makes me really wonder if his age is a problem. I hadn’t really noticed the age thing before, but maybe that’s because here in Utah we’re so used to seeing our gray haired senior leaders incoherent and propped up behind a podium. I guess it’s a cultural thing. But now I’m concerned cupcakes, especially considering that Tess of the Tundra is backup Plan B. Yikes! So I say that in the interests of national security and world peace, John McCain shouldn’t be allowed to lift any State Department briefing dossier bigger than the one for Fiji. It’s too much of a strain at his age. Heaven help us if he has a heart attack, because then Super Breeder Church Lady gets the access codes to the nukes. And if there’s a copy of “Heather Has Two Mommies” in a library in Canada, I guarantee, Sarah Palin will not hesitate to use them!

The thing I just can’t wrap my head around is this, kittens. Of all the qualified and experienced Republican women he could nominate as VP, McCain enlists Caribou Barbie? WTF? This should have been a pivotal historical moment for the GOP when they finally broke their party’s own glass ceiling with a strong, articulate, knowledgeable female nominee. But nooooo, McCain caves in because he can’t get pro-choice Joe Lieberman or Tom Ridge past the Evangelicals, so he scrambles for a token gun-toting conservative skirt (without taking the time for a complete vetting) to dilute Obama’s bounce from his amazing Democratic Convention speech. Hell, why didn’t McCain just nominate Condie Rice and get a gender/race “twofer”? As much as I don’t like her, she’s smart, familiar with Washington’s myriads of social networks and political systems, and I’m pretty sure she could find Afghanistan on a map. Plus – a big bonus – she’s already been vetted by the Feds and the Press so there’s no skeletons in her closet (just those patent leather dominatrix boots with the spike heels she wore in Germany. I still wonder what was up with those.).

Anyway, the whole Palin thing just comes across as an act of desperation and a bone throw to the extreme social conservative dogs of the Republican Party. I just wonder how many independents and moderates are going to be totally turned off when they finally hear her extreme policy positions on social issues. The fact that she tried to censor the public library while she was mayor tells me EVERYTHING I need to know about Sarah Palin. In fact I would vote for Mitt Romney in a dress before I ever considered her.  OK, that’s a terrifying visual image none of us need. Sorry, my bad. Ciao, babies!

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