Gay Agenda

Oy, Jewish Girls Have Chutzpah But Not Schlongs

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I’ve come to the realization that the nicotine patches I’m using are curbing the need to smoke into the need to shop infomercially. In the past two weeks, I’ve bought the Snuggie, ExtenZe, the Shamwow, a President Obama commemorative plate, a Blo & Go (it’s purpose much different than I thought) and a Loud N Clear. So I’m no longer a wheezing, stinky yellow-finger; I’m a hung, bionic, feathered-hair gay man who licks his plate clean after every meal.

2THURSDAY — The Academy of Performing Arts presents A Trilogy of Tragedies. The three classic Greek one-act plays are, Electra, The Furies, and the popular story of Antigone. Journey back thousands of years to experience the supernatural, mythical and historical characters of Ancient Greece.  
7:30pm, through April 6, Academy of Performing Arts, 2207 S. Main Street. Tickets $12–14, 801-486-2728.


3FRIDAY — The man, the myth and the self-doubt of Leonardo da Vinci, widely considered the most diversely talented person ever to have lived (except myself, of course), is disected in the world premiere of Di Esperienza (Of Experience) written by local hottie Matthew Ivan Bennett and directed by that “big homo,” the wonderful Jerry Rapier. Were you aware that da Vinci was obssesed with men’s butts? The similarities between him and I are staggering.
8pm, through April 19, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or

“Just when you thought science geeks and art snobs had nothing in common, along comes Waves of Mu.” Amy Caron’s complex two-room installation performance drives multidisciplinary art headlong into new territory. Her warped lab/lecture/experiment gives a nod and a wink to hard science while cleverly activating her “test subjects” to cheer, cringe and discover, through experience, a new awareness of the profundity of our interpersonal world.
8pm, through Saturday, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 355-ARTS or

4SATURDAY — Kevin Christensen and Jacob Johnson present a new late night cabaret-style musical show called Cast Party SLC, which premieres tonight for a four-week run. The late night shows will feature loads of local theatre talent singing everything from Broadway showtunes to sassy, tongue-in-cheek gems.
10:30pm, Saturdays through April 25, Chapel Theatre, Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North. Tickets $5 at the door,

9THURSDAY — Repertory Dance Theatre reprises Zvi Gotheiner’s beloved Chairs, his fierce and haunting work for nine dancers and nine chairs. Called “flawless,” “visually stunning” and “beautifully shaped,” the solos, duets and quartets reveal the full spectrum of human emotion and experience. Buoyant, bold and ultimately breathtaking, Chairs mirrors modern life with exquisite empathy.
8pm, through April 12, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $30, 355-ARTS or

10FRIDAY — What happens when five dancers go through an awareness process to explore their dreams, moods, body symptoms, childhood dreams and their personal edges to the unknown? How does dance get created out of this dreaming process of the body? What dream is unfolding in you right now? How are you already dancing it? Theses are the questions asked and hopefully answered in The Dreamfigure’s Ball. This showing is part of the final project requirements by Matt Stella toward fulfillment of a Masters of Arts in Process Work.
7:30pm, Sugar Space, 616 Wilmington Ave. Free but donations are recommended, 888-300-7898 or

11SATURDAY Lambda Hiking Club’s first outing of the season is Jackson Rathbone (Don’t I wish!) … no, actually it’s an easy hike up City Creek Canyon above the easy cruising of Memory Grove. Hmmm … now I’m torn. A lovely walk through beautiful terrain or a hot, sticky roll in the dirt?
10am, meet in parking lot at 700 E. 200 South. Free,

13MONDAY — Susannah Perlman (Last Comic Standing) hosts Nice Jewish Girls Gone Bad, a refreshing mix of comedy, music, spoken-word and show-stopping burlesque, featuring the gals who learned to smoke at Hebrew School, got drunk at their Bat-Mitzvahs and would rather have more schtuppa than the chupah. It features a rotating cast of comedians Ophira Eisenberg (Comedy Central), Shawn Pelofsky and kicks provided by Sister Schmaltz, Klezmer punk and funk by house band, The Four Skins.
8pm, I.J. & Jeanné Wagner Jewish Community Center, 2 North Medical Drive, UofU. Tickets $10–15, 801-581-0098.

Fall Out Boys’ sexy, straight and gay-friendly lyricist/guitarist Pete Wentz certainly brings a queer note to the band’s personality — his mascaraed eyes and size-five women’s jeans — but, the real charm of this sensational band is their unforgettable alternative rock music. They take the stage tonight with Cobra Starship, Metro Station, All Time Low and Hey Monday.
5:30pm, Saltair, 12408 W Salt Air Drive, Magna. Tickets $36–150, 801-467-8499 or

14TUESDAY — Her life has been a real circus and therefore this circus will beat Barnum & Bailey’s hands down. Britney Spears, the 27-year-old pop diva (some say the next Madonna), will dance and sing her well-known cootchie off to such hits as “Womanizer,” “Piece of Me” and “Oops! I Did it Again.”
8pm, Energy Solutions Arena, 301 W. South Temple. Tickets $37.50–125, 866-448-7849 or

If your first thought of Britney Spears is “You Drive Me Crazy,” then you may consider checking out B.B. King, the renowned blues singer/songwriter. Even now, at the age of 83, this incredible artist can get a crowd singing the blues. The 15-time Grammy winner takes the stage with Lukas Nelson & The Promise Of The Real.
7:30pm, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, UofU. Tickets $60–65, 801-581-7100 or


JUN. 20    B-52s, Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover
AUG. 25    Depeche Mode, E Center
SEP. 01    Dave Matthews Band, USANA
NOV. 20    Elton John & Billy Joel, ESA

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