12THURSDAY — This holiday season … pshaw!, Desert Star Theatres presents Nutcracker: Men in Tights. A small Utah town is in financial turmoil and to solve their problems, the women of the town emasculate the men by cracking their nuts. Nah! Actually, the town plans to produce their own version of the beloved ballet. And of course, things don’t go quite right … ’cause it’s Utah!
Hours vary, through Jan. 2, Desert Star Theatres, 4861 S. State St. Tickets $8.95–39.95, 801-266-2600.
14SATURDAY — Kicking off the holiday season … kiss my grits!, QSaltLake’s first bus trip to Wendover is today … yay! We’ve also changed the name from The Fabulous Fun Bus to The Big Gay Fun Bus because the hostess Ruby Ridge and her Mattress of Mayhem are bigger, gayer and funner … is funner a word? Anyhoo, join us for Big Gay Bingo with Big Gay Prizes.
11am–8pm, pick-up at Club Try-Angles, 251 W. 900 South. Tickets $21, $5 cash back and includes free buffet, 800-838-3006 or biggayfunbus.com.
The Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire presents their 28th annual Golden Spike Universe Pageant. Past titleists include Ashlee Vaughn, Sean LiQue, Lola Taylor (DJ Bell), Sinsation, Biff and QSaltLake’s very own Michael Aaron … we all now his year was rigged! If you’d like to run for Mr. or Miss Golden Spike Universe, visit rcgse.org.
9pm, Club Edge, 615 N. 400 West. Tickets $5 at the door, 801-410-4367.
15SUNDAY — Club Karamba’s Pachanga Night hosts the 2009 Miss Hispanidad Drag Pageant … ooooo, chiquita calientes! I think I just said “hot bananas.” Be a part of the magic when Miss Hispanidad 2009 is crowned for his well-hidden “hot banana.” There’s also a $2 Coronas and tequila shots special. Hopefully there won’t be any shots outside the club … just saying!
9pm, Pachanga Night at Club Karamba, 1051 E. 2100 South. No cover until 10:30pm, 801-637-9197.
17TUESDAY — Take a magical journey down the yellow brick road with Dorothy, her little dog Toto and their unforgettable friends (like the evil flying monkeys and the Wicked Witch of the West … aaahhh!!) as they come alive on the big screen once again in The Wizard of Oz — a 70th anniversary encore event. It’ll be fun, my pretty! (Insert evil laugh here.)
6:30pm, select theaters across the valley. Tickets $10 at theater box offices or online at fathomevents.com (includes list of participating theaters).
Step into another world where bodies undulate, contort and fuse to form surreal shapes with one of the most amazing dance troupes on earth … that’s a big understatement: I saw Pilobolus last year, and I still get chills thinking about it — they are stunning, unworldly and jaw-dropping. Anyhoo, performances include a company classic, Gnomen, a quartet for men. Gnomen’s lyrical exploration of relationships emerges from an unusually inventive physical vocabulary.
7:30pm, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Cir., UofU. Tickets $29.50–45.50, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com.
19THURSDAY — Contemporary visions, death-defying aerial antics and just plain insanity. The third-year graduate students of the University of Utah’s Department of Modern Dance present their thesis concert, The Odds — five dance pieces laying open the “oddities” of five radically different choreographers: Nancy Carter, Erin Empey, Juliana Hane, I-Fen Lin and Shannon Vance.
7:30pm, through Saturday, Marriott Center for Dance, 330 S. 1500 East, UofU. Tickets $7–10, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com.
20FRIDAY — Back by popular demand, Repertory Dance Theatre presents an evening of fresh and innovative dance with Joyride II. Bringing back favorites from last year and combining them with new pieces this year, and featuring choreography and original works from RDT’s own dancers, Joyride is a delightful way to usher in the holiday season … bah humbug!
7pm, through Saturday, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $18, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
This event speaks for itself, so I’ll just tell you what it is and you can take it from here. Billy Joel & Elton John are in Salt Lake City tonight on their Face to Face Tour. I just hope Sir Elton’s completely rid of that nasty E. Coli … any relation to P. Diddy?
7:30pm, Energy Solutions Arena, 301 W. South Temple. Tickets $51.50–177, 801-467-8499 or smithstix.com.
21SATURDAY — sWerve jumps into the holiday season … pisser! with Laughter Yoga with Karen Bayard, a unique practice that combines group exercises with yoga breathing techniques. No previous yoga experience is required. Although we plan to get a good workout, the emphasis is on having fun. Wear comfy clothes (like chain mail) and take a yoga mat or something soft to lay on. Karen will serve samples of her Inspired Ice Cream after the session.
6pm, Sugar Space, 615 E. Wilmington Ave. Cost $15, swerveutah.com.
I’ve been waiting blue-balled for months for this night to arrive. Who’da thunk Kathy Griffin could make my balls turn blue? Anyhoo, the Emmy-winning, multi-faceted performer with fire wit, and hair to match, is sure to get at least a few little chuckles from our “gay army” because, you know, she is our comic “warrior princess.” 8pm, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $35–50, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
24TUESDAY — Ring in the holiday season … oh lord! with David Archuleta, that adorable, shy (must be a Capricorn-thing) teenager from season seven of American Idol. Please, I know you know whom I’m talking about, even if you won’t admit it. Anyhoo, he’s just released a Christmas album …. aaahhh! called Christmas from the Heart, and he’ll be jingling your bells all night … don’t lie!
7pm, through Wednesday, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $28–38, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
DEC. 11-12 SLMC Holiday Concert, First Baptist Church
DEC. 12 RCGSE Snow Ball 2009, Rose Wagner Ctr.
DEC. 31 Rufus Wainwright, Park City