So there I was, petals, in all my bedraggled morning glory, when who should appear on the Channel 13 news but Utah Congressman Jim Matheson. I wasn’t fully awake and thinking straight, so a shower of toothpaste shot across the room as I yelled “You Douche Nozzle” at my TV set.
Believe me, muffins, Matheson didn’t always invoke such a visceral response in our house, but this year he is just treading on my last nerves and I needed to VENT!
Considering what a policy wonk/glued to the news channels/Rachel Maddow fan that I am, I rarely ever see Mr. Matheson engaging with the media. My theory is that he’s lurking in Dick Cheney’s vacated Washington bat cave, but I could be wrong. Anyhow, I guess with 2010 being an election year, Jim Matheson decided to make a token local appearance and come out of hiding like Punxsutawney Phil the Ground Hog. Except lets be fair, a Ground Hog is only scared of his shadow once a year, not the entire congressional term! Ooops, was that my out loud voice? My bad.
Now, before you start sharpening your pitchforks let me say this: I know Matheson’s Congressional District has been seriously gerrymandered by the Republicans over the years. If my memory is correct, the Utah Second Congressional District currently includes Salt Lake City, Southern Utah, a shopping mall in Mesa, Arizona, and a housing tract overlooking the Temple in St. Louis, Missouri. So yes, he has the unenviable task of balancing the needs of Salt Lake’s urban hipsters and St. George’s “let’s do the afternoon Temple session and then we’ll hit the early bird special at Village Inn” demographics. Trust me, I understand all of that.
But what bugs the living daylights out of me is Matheson’s dismissive attitude towards the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community (many of whom I know put hundreds of volunteer hours into his campaign) and the progressive issues that he implied he supported. I swear to God, pumpkins, if you took the audio track from ANY of Matheson’s press appearances this year, and superimposed it onto video of a tea party protester wearing a tin foil hat, the lips would probably synch up. That kind of betrayal is annoying enough, but what really chaps my fat white ass is Matheson’s smug attitude of “What are you going to do. vote Republican? You have nowhere else to go.” That off handed contempt is soooo irritating, because it’s soooo partially true. Even though I am a fiscally conservative, small business owner at heart, there’s no way in hell I could ever bring myself to vote Republican on social issues, or support their “just say no to embarrass Obama” strategy for winning the midterms. So that puts me in a real electoral dilemma. The Republicans clearly hate us, and the Democrat just ignores us. So which is worse?
Which reminds me, why does Jim Matheson vote like a Republican, snipe at the President like a Republican, and yet he’s still allowed to call himself a Democrat? I don’t get it, is he channeling his inner Lieberman? It seems that ever since President Obama took office, Congressman Matheson (our sole, singular, one and only Democrat in the Utah delegation) has been in an arms race with Jason Chaffetz to veer hard right and sabotage the very party platform that Americans elected Democrats to enact in the Legislative and Executive Branch. If any of you Stonewall Dems have ANY insider knowledge as to why this guy is behaving like this, and why we should support him in the primaries, let me know and I will gladly include it in one of my columns. Because cherubs, I have to say I AM JUST NOT FEELING IT!
You can see Ruby Ridge and the Matrons of Mayhem in all of their politically incorrect polyester glory at Third Friday Bingo, Friday Feb. 19 at 7 p.m. at First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East. This month they are raising funds for Intermountain Therapy Animals.