Gay Agenda

OMG, LMAO at This Agenda

My friend Ruby had suffered a concussion during the first Utah Blitz football game. For several days after, she had been walking around in a daze like she’d just taken a bong hit, her clothes on backwards and she kept trying to stick her tongue down my throat. It was scary … I mean her concussion. Suffice it to say, she’d rubbed off on me. I had dived into second base during our first softball game like I was Shamu on a bong hit, sliced my eye open on the base and had road-rash knees like that of the Pope’s altar boys’. Perhaps Ruby and I should try playing Jacks as a sport.

29thursday — Shortly after the death of a gay dancer, his brother and friends embark on a journey, in playwright Lanford Wilson’s Burn This, to make sense of their lives, and to reconsider their own identities and relationships. Funny, witty and heartbreaking, it touches on timeless themes of loss, love, lust and life, with a message: Live life on fire … it burrrnns!
8pm, currently running through May 8, Sugar Space, 616 E. Wilmington Ave. Tickets $10–13, utahtheatreartists.com.

30friday — The University of Utah’s Queer Student Union hosts Masquerade, “a night of dancing and disguise.” You might be hiding your face behind a mask, but go as flamboyantly as you want because dammit, we’re here, we’re queer and we have no fear!
7–10pm, Gallivan Center, 239 S. Main St. Suggested $5 donation, for more info e-mail [email protected]

Are you a butch girl (like my friend Chelle, she used to drive semi trucks with one eye closed … well, actually only because she was always tipsy, LMAO)? If you are butch then Paper Moon wants you to be the next Lipstick Lesbo at the 16th annual Dykes in Drag Contest. Contestants are asked to arrive at 8:30pm to sign up … go Chelle! [Editor’s note: We at QSaltLake do not encourage or tolerate driving while intoxicated.] 9:30pm, Paper Moon, 3737 S. State St. Cover $6, 801-713-0678.

1saturday — Plan-B Theatre Company’s And the Banned Slammed On is “Utah’s only fundraiser-featuring-five-10-minute-plays-created-in-24-hours-inspired-by-incidents-of-Utah-censorship.” OMG! That leaves me as breathless as Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis … or even licking a large swirl lollipop. Anyhoo, celebrate the First Amendment with this year’s Fabby award-winning Arts organization.
8pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $25–40, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

The Human Rights Education Center aims to raise awareness of school violence and the effects of bullying with a fundraising production of Bang Bang You’re Dead. Inspired by real life incidents of school violence, the play focuses on the aftermath of a killing spree by a teenage boy who murders his parents and five classmates. When the boy is haunted by the spirits of his victims, and through flashbacks, he “begins to look at the deceased with new respect.”
6:30pm, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Suggested donation $50, 801-521-4283 or hrecutah.org.

Artists Jeannie Hatch and Julie Lucus, converge works, in The Art of Obsession exhibit, through abstract and avant-garde interpretations of psychological myth and drama in contemporary life. Hatch’s free-hand paintings are carefully lined on the canvas as if it were the only one possible — in a fashion she admits is reverently ritualistic. Lucus’ sculptures are anthropomorphic compositions and three-dimensional mosaics that are characteristically mischievous, confronting and beautifully grotesque.
10am–6pm, Tues.-Sat. through May 31, The Sugarhouse Gallery, 2160 S. Highland Dr. Free, 801-486-4893. An artists reception will be held 6–10pm, May 21, during the gallery stroll.

6thursday — Wasatch Theatre Company presents Sarah Ruhl’s Dead Man’s Cell Phone, a comedy … yes, a comedy, about how we memorialize the dead — and how that remembering changes us. After a woman answers the cell phone of a dead stranger, she finds herself helping his loved ones: wife, mother, mistress and brother, deal with their loss in an unorthodox way.
8pm, through May 22, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $15, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org. After the Saturday evening performances guests are invited to An After Hours Cabaret.

7friday — The 2010 five-time American Music Award-winning duo Sugarland comes to Salt Lake City for an evening of shit-kicking, bull-riding, cowpie-throwing country music hoedowns. Five dollars a cowpie or three for $10. LMAO! I hope they sing the hit “All I Want to Do,” it gets me hot-and-bothered … well, so do paper cuts, it’s weird! Danny Gokey and Julianne Hough open.
7:30pm, The E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Dr. Tickets $22–52.50, 801-988-8888 or theecenter.com.

9sunday — Do you know what’s artsy and entertaining to do today? Making macaroni necklaces, fashion makeovers or sewing curtains … do at least one with you mother because dammit, it’s Mother’s Day. Show her you love her without rolling your eyes or “borrowing” her credit card. OMG! I feel like Oprah.

10monday — Mixing alternative rock, Christian rock and power pop, with inflections of ska, punk and emo, and with 12 kinda nerdy, kinda hot, kinda sagger-like musicians on stage in one evening, the Paramore, Relient K, Fun concert should be a kick-ass show. Can I say kick-ass and not offend Christian rockers? Geez, religious proprieties are fucking difficult … oh shit! I’ll just shut up now.
7pm, The E Center, 3200 S. Decker Lake Dr. Tickets $25–29.50, 801-988-8888 or theecenter.com.

11tuesday — The Grand Theatre presents Bingo, “a splashy, zippy, outrageously funny new musical.” Meet Vern, Honey and Patsy, three pals who have driven through a terrible storm in the name of their weekly obsession … OMG! They love The Vampire Diaries as much as I do. Anyhoo, in between the number calling, strange rituals and fierce competitions, love blossoms and long lost friends reunite.
7:30pm, through May 22, Grand Theatre, 1575 S. State St. Tickets $8–24, 801-957-3322 or the-grand.org.


JUN  10    Sting, USANA
JUN  12    Lisa Lampanelli, Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover
JUN  12    Olivia Newton-John & Colbie Caillat, ESA
JUL   4    One Republic, Deer Valley Resort
JUL  16    Paula Poundstone, Rose Wagner
AUG  20    Cyndi Lauper, Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover

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