Ruby Ridge

I’m Bringing Hairy Back!

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Count your many blessings, cherubs. Yes, name them one by one. And leading your list of things to be infinitely grateful for should be this: Ruby’s back!

No, not my actual hairy back, pumpkins, but “I am back.” Back from my hiatus, renewed, refreshed and ready to cast down my humble, world-wise opinions to you, the great Wasatch unwashed.

For those of you wondering where I have been, I am sad to inform you that my partner of 21 years, Mr. Ridge, passed away in February. Needless to say, kittens, I have not been feeling my usual effervescent self, or up to writing my column for a while. But now as I look around, I realize how drab, how dull, how directionless, your tawdry little lives must have been without me. So, really, I have no choice but to write. Just think of it as therapy for me and manna from heaven for you!

Unfortunately, while I was away on my extended suburban sabbatical, I missed the funniest thing on the internet since “kittens riding a Roomba.” I’m talking, of course, about the landmark case of Dixon v. McCoy.

OMG! Talk about Clash of the Titans in 3-Diva! What on earth would provoke former Sen. Scott McCoy into a Facebook pissing contest with Sister Dottie Dixon? And more importantly … what did he think he would achieve? I was gobsmacked! I learned many years ago that serious politicians should NEVER debate fictional characters because they can never win under that type of asymmetry. Sure, they may land a few hits here and there, but no matter how reasoned or persuasive their arguments, they still end up looking pompous and silly. My favorite example of the uneven playing field was the BBC debate between Monty Python and the Anglican Bishop of Southwark when Life of Brian was released. The two sides involved may as well have been speaking two completely different languages. But anyway …

I must admit, pumpkins, there was a period last year when I thought Sister Dottie was becoming overexposed and losing her cache (seriously, her face was in more places than Susan Powell posters!). But in hindsight, petals, I think a lot of that was pure envy on my part. Troy and Chuck have created a wildly popular yet disarming drag character that gently provokes and challenges. Plus, she resonates with all sorts of people from all walks of life, so what the hell. More power to Sister Dottie and her subversive ability to build bridges!

Now that I am coming out of my self-imposed exile, I really do need to join her Facebook page and catch up on the dirt. And now that Sen. McCoy has retired, I plan to keep up in touch with Utah’s serious political players by following Carl Wimmer on Grinder!

Ciao, poodles!

I have to take this opportunity to thank everyone who contacted me with their support and prayers during a pretty rough time, especially the folks from First Baptist Church, the Matrons of Mayhem, The Cyber Sluts, and so many people involved with Camp Pinecliff. Your outpouring of love was truly appreciated.

You can see Ruby Ridge and the Matrons of Mayhem in all of their polyester glory at Third Friday Bingo, May 21st at 7 p.m. at First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East. Next month is our politically incorrect Cinco de Mayo celebration benefiting People Helping People. Come join us, we will have churros and Arizona ice tea (oh relax! The brewing company is from Brooklyn.).

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