Ruby Ridge

Blazing a trail

So Petals, have you seen Black Swan yet? OMG! Talk about lezbo porn with leg warmers. I went to see it last night with a buddy, and we came out of the theater in shock. It was awesome. There was a make-out scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman that was so hot, the kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bucket started popping. Definitely go see Black Swan while it’s on the big screen. And my proud lesbian sisters you will thank me for this later, but do yourself a favor, and go see Black Swan in a theater with a good vibrating sound system. Yeah, you know exactly what I’m saying.
Anyways muffins, last weekend I hosted one of our Big Gay Fun Bus trips to Wendover and it was such a blast.

“So Ruby, just how gay is the Big Gay Fun Bus,” you ask? Well let’s just say that when we showed the DVD of Momma Mia on the way home, the entire bus knew all of the words and were singing. Yup … the Big Gay Fun Bus is really, really, super gay! Plus it raises money for our QCares charitable causes, so it’s all good.

Somehow we oversold the seats so we ended up having to change to a bigger bus, and even then we had to turn some last-minute folks away. The moral of the story peaches? Buy your tickets online and buy them early!

But while you’re here, I do have to tell you something about Wendover so spectacularly appalling it warrants documentation in print. For those of you with delicate sensibilities go make a snack in the kitchen, as you may not want to read this.

While I was at the Montego Bay I was really hot so I decided to walk up the hill to the Red Garter (don’t panic darlings, I was wearing sensible flats). It was a bit chilly outside but it was kind of nice to get out of the noise and away from that heinous casino carpet.

As I walked across from the Peppermill Concert Hall I noticed there were a lot of cocktail glasses laying on the sidewalk and worst of all there were huge sprays of semi-frozen vomit for about 200 yards. I was appalled but at the same time I was mesmerized. There had to be some monumental story of excess and regret behind this trail of chunky, well preserved forensic evidence.

Pumpkins, I sincerely hope there was more than one person producing this trail of puke, because it was pooled about every 10 feet. It was like the Rainbow Buffet had reenacted the Catholic Stations of the Cross. Station Number 2. Jesus is given his cross. HUUUURLLLL … looked like blue cheese dressing and that fake krab salad stuff. Station Number 3. Jesus falls the first time BWAAAKKK … this one looked runny and thin, I’m thinking Bloody Mary’s and some type of shredded stuff that might have been pineapple. Station Number 6. Veronica wipes the face of Jesus … BLAAAAHHHHGGG … dark fluids and big chunks of egg noodles, I’m definitely thinking there was stroganoff involved because the sauce was way too dark to be an alfredo. I weaved in and out of vomit like a slalom racer as I laughed my ass off all the way to the Rainbow Casino.

After surveying all of that projectile carnage I came to the only logical conclusion I could. The Kenny Loggins concert must have been epic! Ciao, babies.

You can see Ruby Ridge and the Matrons of Mayhem in all of their polyester glory at Third Friday Bingo (every Third Friday of the month at 7pm) at First Baptist Church (777 South 1300 East).

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