Gay Agenda

Pee Wee’s big firework bra

I woke up Monday morning, July 18 at 8 a.m. without the assistance of an alarm, which almost never happens. I felt a little wobbly and discombobulated like I had

just experienced five consecutive hours of turbulence. Through my windows a thin layer of clouds altered a pinkish-orange sky … that should have been my first clue. I made coffee, showered and followed my daily regiment of beauty secrets … you didn’t really think this package came this pretty, did you? I then left my place heading to work, and after a while, no need to give you the specifics, I eventually thought to myself ‘it seems too quiet and it appears to be getting darker.’ On the risk of sounding like a complete doofus, it was actually still Sunday night. I guess Lisa Lampanelli put one of her mojo ass-kicking curses on me Saturday night … in the form of free drinks for all cornholers of all ethnicities … see that bitch ain’t racist, she adores all the fags.

21thursday — Well tickle my pink … flamingo and call me urbane lawn art, it’s time again for the Utah Pride Center’s posh Pride in Pink mix-and-mingle event. Meet the polished, pretty and plush individuals of Utah’s LGBT community … meaning me. Ha! Anyhoo, nosh and imbibe; eat and be merry; most importantly wear your most debonair pink ensemble.
5–7pm, Market Street Oyster Bar, 54 Market St. Donations suggested, please RSVP to or 801-539-8800.

22fridayEvery time I think of this film, I say, “Sacha Sacket, where’s my bike?” Paul Reuben hit stardom in 1985 with Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, a silly comedy about an eccentric geek who crosses the country in search of his stolen bicycle. Then Paul Reuben hit bottom for pulling his pee wee in a dark, alternative movie theater. Live and learn, right? This is a ridiculous movie, check it out! (BTW, you can see the resemblance between Sacha and Pee Wee in the photos, yes?)
11pm, tonight & Saturday, 2pm on Sunday, Tower Theatre, 876 E. 900 South. Tickets $5, 801-359-5158 or

23saturday — According to QSaltLake’s illustrious editor, Seth Bracken, the California-based power pop group Hellogoodbye is rather popular in the gay community and their “upbeat music and humorous lyrics make for a wonderful show.” Now, because Seth is like Michael’s and my love-child, I’ll take his word for it. But how could you possibly go wrong with six sexy men on stage all sweaty and gyrating and … oh my!
7:30pm, The Grand venue at The Complex, 536 W. 100 South. Tickets $13/adv–15/day of show, must be 21 or older, 801-467-8499 or

25monday — You know who else is rather coveted in the gay community? Michele Bachmann. Wait … I mean Katy Perry. The 26-year-old dance-pop diva has warmed the hearts of many, many gay men with hits like “I Kissed a Girl,” Ur So Gay” and “Firework.” You should have seen all the homos on the 4th of July wearing firework bras. Of course, they could’ve picked up the trend from Lady Gaga.
7:30pm, Energy Solutions Arena, 301 W. South Temple. Tickets $30–48, 801-467-8499 or

28thursday — Murray City Cultural Arts and Tams-Witmark Music Library present The Wizard of Oz — also rather popular in the gay community. Join Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tinman, Cowardly Lion and Toto down the yellow brick road as they travel the universe of Dorothy’s imagination in this classic musical, which will performed outdoors … how freakin’ fabulous!
8pm, through Aug. 3, Murray Park Amphitheater, 495 E. 5300 South. Tickets $6–8, 801-264-2614.

29friday — People Productions, Utah’s premier African-American theatre company, presents Lynn Nottage’s Pulitzer Prize-winning play Ruined. Set in the midst of the contemporary Congolese civil war, the play is a story of the courage and survival of women devastated by cultural, military and sexual violence. Filled with tension, humor and ultimately hope, the play’s focus on women and girls brings attention both to the plight of the many dispossessed refugees in war-torn Africa and the particular struggles of females in the face of violence.
7:30pm, through Aug. 6, Babcock Theatre, 240 E. 1500 South, UofU. Tickets $10–15, 801-355-ARTS or

30saturday — OK, baseball can sometimes be slow-going, but when you watch it live with a bunch of homos, it’s fantabulous fun. All the lesbians love the gay boys and the gay boys love the players’ butts. So join QSaltLake, a sponsor of tonight’s Bees game, and the Pride Softball League at Family Night Out. Hopefully somebody will get ejected from the game … usually it’s my friend Jake for being inappropriate with the hot dog vendors, but here, I mean one of the sexy players — it’s a turn-on when they get all angry and sweaty and gyrating and … oh my!
7:05pm, Spring Mobile Ballpark, 77 W. 1300 South. Tickets $20, includes food served from 6–8pm, contact

2tuesday — Lesbian alt-country singer/songwriter k.d. lang returns to the Utah stage. The kitschy songstress has won four Grammys for “Constant Craving,” “Crying,” “Absolute Torch and Twang” and for the 2004 album A Wonderful World. Her 27-year career has garnered her one of the best female artists of our time.
7:30pm, Red Butte Garden Amphitheatre, 300 Wakara Way. Tickets $43–48, 801-585-0556 or

Aug. 13
Josh Grobin
Aug. 21
Gallivan Ctr
Aug. 22
Death Cab for Cutie
Maverik Ctr
Sep. 28
Kingsbury Hall

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