I am writing in response to the article, “Traitor Jane: A Community Divided.” Because of the inaccuracies in many of Ms. Lee’s comments, I am disappointed that they were not validated against the recorded court hearings and city records that resulted in the termination of co-guardianship.
As a biological parent that has experienced a tumultuous breakup, I have had to make tough decisions in the best interest of the children as a result of my ex-partner’s actions and behavior. Because of this, I have gained an appreciation of the complexity surrounding the lack of legal structure for same-sex parents and I have great compassion for both sides.
The article, as triggered by Traitor Jane, places emphasis on non-biological parent losses. When in reality, the biological parent experiences loss as well. Being a single mother, I live with the reality of not being guaranteed any financial support. In fact, I have never received any. Shortly after my relationship ended, a routine visitation schedule was established, but because there is no legal accountability for the non-biological parent, my ex took advantage of that freedom and abruptly left the state for several weeks. When she returned she reduced her parent-time to not include weekends. After months of counseling, mediation and many attempts to compromise, my ex was unwilling to change her destructiveness. Because the conflict continued to have negative impact on the kids, I decided to terminate the co-parenting relationship, which was supported by the children’s therapist and later a judge.
Legal accountability is necessary! In contrast to the way Traitor Jane has divided our community, there is an organization that recognizes the need for equality between same-sex parents without regard to biological status. The organization is called Equal Parents and as of recently they can be found on Facebook.