Sometimes people come into my life and make me feel alive. I sacrifice a lot to be in their presence. For example, I did the one thing I never do – I took on extra hours at work.
The reason I took extra shifts had to do with a pretty girl, who I’ll refer to as Anna. She has cinnamon-colored hair and a personality so breathtakingly attractive – I had to know if she played for my team. She sometimes wore a pride bracelet, but that could mean one of two things: she’s a girl team player or she’s on the sidelines cheering for the lesbians and bisexuals.
She possessed a level of maturity that equaled my own even though I was five years her senior. I guess that doesn’t make me look good. She looked like a Christmas angel who could almost pass for a Victoria Secret angel, if she wasn’t so modest and humble.
Crush didn’t even begin to describe how I was beginning to feel about her.
I didn’t think I stood a chance. I was so shy, I rarely spoke to anyone at work unless I needed to use the broom and couldn’t for the life of me find it any other way.
Physically, I needed more hours at the gym than Anna and I was too shy to even hold a conversation with her. This never stopped her from saying hi and asking how I was doing. She’s he only one besides the bosses who ever bothered to make pleasantries with me. I couldn’t blame them. A lot of it was me pushing people away. I didn’t do it on purpose I was just so scared to open up. I remained locked away in my personal safe zone. Once again, I was back in the closet.
I wanted to be able to talk to her and get to know her better but it was like my lips were sewn shut.
I woke up one morning, sick of living in a second closest of my own making, determined I would break my shyness even if it was just to say hi to her.
I went to work and looked all around, but there was no sign of her. I started performing my daily cleaning tasks, trying to focus my attention on working rather than the conversations happening around me. I was never one to get involved. Work is a place to work, not make friends. With Anna, I wanted to make an exception.
When the time came, my nerves were standing on end. But I pushed through them, and opened my mouth before I could change my mind.
“Hi Anna. How are you doing? Where did you get that pretty bracelet?” It took every ounce of courage I had to say that, more than I’ve spoken to her in one setting since I met her three months ago.
“My gay friend gave it to me. He got it at Pride,” she shook her cinnamon hair before adding. “My fiance wants to take me to Pride this year. I can’t wait to go, I’ve never gone. Even though its five months away, he mentioned it the other day.”
“That’s cool,” I said, relieved as one of the guys approached her, trying to get her attention.
I turned around, and picked up the broom. So she was an athletic supporter or the so-called cheerleader on the sidelines. Unless she’s bi, but what bi girl has never been to pride by her late twenties, which is Anna’s age. I highly doubted that one.
Why would I be surprised that she was about to get hitched? All the men and I in the office had a crush on her. I wouldn’t be surprised if the bosses, male and female, also had an interest in her.
I realized it was never going to happen with Anna. She was about to walk down the straight aisle and never return to single land. The best I could hope for was a friendship, but that would require a real break in my shyness.
I worked my shift the best I could, trying to forget that Anna the Angel was nearby. I sometimes closed my eyes, imagining what things would be like if I was her fiancee.
Maybe a Christmas miracle would make it so, but until the impossible I settled for putting the Christmas angel on top of our tree and enjoying Christmas with the ones I love.