To my discomfort, like when I haven’t had enough fiber, I learned Gordon Ramsey will have yet another obnoxious reality show starting soon called Hotel Hell — aren’t we already in hell just hearing about the dink? Plus, Shannen Doherty (you know, that literal witch from Charmed) has her own reality show coming to WE network, where apparently cameras follow her around as she yet again weds some dink — that’s so Tori! Frankly, I’d rather suffer through a Hallmark Presentation tearjerker starring Patty Duke as an aging worm breeder who becomes grief-stricken by a hammertoe.
12thursday — The classic musical romp, Little Shop of Horrors, returns to the Utah stage in this special, fundraising-engagement run, presented by Wasatch Theatre Company. Ticket proceeds will go to the Salt Lake Education Foundation for disadvantaged youth in the Salt Lake valley. The musical chronicles the story of Seymour, orphaned and living with a flower shop owner, Mr. Mushnick. The business is not doing well when Seymour happens upon a strange plant that changes his life. Who doesn’t love a man-eating fly trap? … Ah, I’ve just described Jim Smith in accurate detail.
8pm, through April 21, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
Also opening under the Rose Wagner roof tonight is Plan-B Theatre Company’s The Scarlet Letter, adapted for the stage from Nathaniel Hawthorne’s classic American novel. Adulteress Hester Prynne bears an illegitimate child with an unknown lover; she must wear a scarlet A on her chest as a constant reminder of her shame, as her husband seeks revenge.
8pm, through April 22, Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
13friday — The super fabulous Ellen Barkin stars in Shit Year, a dramatic story about a renowned actress who gives up the craft, moves to solitude, rekindles a brash affair with a young actor and becomes unhinged as she struggles to reclaim her ego while dealing with her estranged brother and an off-kilter neighbor. The steamy Luke Grimes co-stars. The screening is part of the UMOCA Creativity in Focus Film Series.
7pm, Utah Museum of Contemporary Art, 20 S. West Temple. Free, utahfilmcenter.org.
Ballet West’s dynamic spring season opens with the Utah premiere of George Balanchine’s lush and romantic Emeralds, set to the music of Gabriel Fauré. This is the first ballet in Balanchine’s transcendent full-evening trilogy, Jewels. It’s apparently not about emeralds at all, or any other jewel; it’s about the costumery – so don’t get your tutu in a tussle as this is nothing like Romancing the Stone. In Emeralds, the dancers wear calf-length tulle skirts (probably in green) and represent romance as they move about the stage.
7:30pm, through April 21, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $18–74, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
14saturday — Even if you’re not a sexy papa of twin boys named Chase and Benji, and even if you’re not a sinewy, spurred cowboy hankering for a slab of moose jerky, you should take part in the Utah Gay Fathers Association’s first annual Spring Fling Cowboy Roundup. This fundraising event will include raffle prizes, western-inspired tapas, cash bar, live deejay and awards recognition. Must be 21 or older, and western wear is suggested.
4–9pm, private residence at 2215 E. Aspenwood Way, Sandy. Tickets $25/single or $40/couple, utahgayfathers.com.
Seattle-based singer-songwriter Perfume Genius (aka Mike Hadreas) comes to Salt Lake City promoting his sophomore album Put Your Back N 2 It. Now, this has not been substantiated, but it’s been rumored that porn star Arpad Miklos will do a live reprise with Hadreas on stage, embracing each other tenderly while in nothing more than their skivvies. Haawwwt!
7pm, Kilby Court, 741 S. 330 West. Tickets $10–12, 24tix.com.
If you missed Holi, Festival of Colors in Spanish Fork a couple weeks ago — you know, the event that the Brits called the “Filthy Festival,” which got the Hindu’s gamchhas all up in knots — well, the rainbow is making it’s way into the city, and I highly recommend this wonderful, inclusive festival. However, seeing as a gay man’s mouth is perpetually propped open at all times, I also recommend tying a hankie or a gamchha over it or you’ll get a familiar weird taste. Just sayin’! The festivities include live music, bonfire, food and gifts.
Noon–6pm, Salt Lake Krishna Temple, 965 E. 3370 South. Tickets $2, prepay (recommended) at utahkrishnas.org or at the festival gate.
17tuesday — The Salt Lake Community College is going all Ugly Betty! OK, probably not, she was so 2010. It’s the return of Raw Couture, the college’s Fashion Institute fashion show. Check out what’s hot in Utah’s fashion world from the top student designers of the Fashion Institute’s programs. So pull out your best Marc Anthony … please betch, don’t dis me, he’s fucking Jaclyn Smith on a stick!
7:30pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $25, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
19thursday — One night, as Callie and Sarah take a walk through New York’s West Village, they share their first kiss. It’s a cataclysmic leap of self-awareness, trust and caring. But it too provokes a violent attack by an angry naysayer that transforms their lives in ways they could never anticipate. Stop Kiss sounds dark and heart-wrenching, but the play, by Diana Son, is actually quite funny as well as moving.
7:30pm, through April 22, Studio 115, Performing Arts Bldg., 240 S. 1500 East, UofU. Tickets $7.50–10, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com.
20friday — The Utah Symphony, with conductor Jerry Steichen, presents Classical Mystery Tour: A Tribute to The Beatles. According to the website, the concert will feature “all the timeless Beatles classics performed with such perfection that you’ll feel like a teenager again.” Now, since I wasn’t born until 1981, I feel like a teenager only when I hear the classics from Brandy and Alanis Morissette. Tehehe! Anyhoo, this concert does have the makings of a groovy, psychedelic night.
8pm, through Saturday, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $27–85, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
Who doesn’t love jazz dance? Please girl, it morphed from the fabulous “Jazz Hands,” so its gotta be good. The University of Utah presents the first annual Live to Dance, a performance highlighting several jazz styles including hip-hop, contemporary, lyrical, Fosse, Broadway, thrash and more. Choreographers include Alex Fetbroth, Sara Pickett (woohoo!) and Tamara Squires.
7:30pm, through Saturday, Kingsbury Hall, 1395 E. Presidents Circle, UofU. Tickets $8-12, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com.
After all the bullying the MPAA received over the R rating of the documentary Bully, it’s a wonder how the film is still slated to hit the big screen. Ha! Just kidding, don’t beat me with your Wonder Woman lunchbox. Honestly, I’ve heard nothing but great things about this flick, so even if you aren’t in school anymore, bullying happens at many stages in life (just ask poor Joshua Jones, he takes a whipping daily, but then again he really likes it!) and this film could possibly offer some help.
Opens today, Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. Broadway. Tickets $6.25–8.75, saltlakefilmsociety.org.
21saturday — It’s that time again for the queer and ally youth to don their best duds (Is duds too old-fashioned?), find a date or a friend or an entourage (Is entourage to Frenchy?), and boogie woogie woo (Now that one they’ll get!) on the dance floor. Yessiree, it’s the Queer Prom. Now, just a bit of advice for all the youngsters: You won’t need your Facebook, Grindr, Twitter or What’s New Pussycat? apps; there will be plenty of hookups right there in the same room. I’m not advocating premarital sex, but please, it’s freaking prom night. Just be super safe and don’t bully each other.
8pm–midnight, Salt Lake City Library, 210 E. 400 South. Tickets $5/adv–$10/at the door, 801-539-8800 or utahpridecenter.org.
Red Butte Garden Amphitheatre
Peppermill Concert Hall, Wendover
Red Butte Garden Amphitheatre
Foster The People
“8” The Play (a reading)
Rose Wagner Center