Ask Mr. Manners

‘Bi’ the way…

Dear Mr. Manners,

I am a man that loves both sexes. Women arouse me and so do men, but there seems to be a stigma in  the gay community with liking both sexes. I have been dating but I never make it to a third date because they don’t like the fact that I’m bi. What can I do?

Innocent BI-Stander

 

BI-Stander,

It sounds to me that you are being treated as having a classic case of wanting to “have your cake and eat it too.” There are many myths and misconceptions surrounding bisexuality. People often say that bisexual people are greedy and should simply pick one gender and stick with it. Others say that bisexuals cannot be trusted and will always be unfaithful in relationships due to needing to get physical with someone of another gender. I think that’s all rubbish, and I do not agree with those opinions at all.

From my experience, the stigma tends to follow anyone who struggles with making decisions of the heart. If you want to make it to the third date, I suggest that you decide what it is you really want in a partner. Much like buying a home, you need to decide which features are negotiable (do you prefer a man or a woman — internal or external plumbing) and then you need to stay within your price point (the features that define you).

Sexual preference may not be the only thing keeping you from a third date — the problem may just be YOU! What type of man are you? A handsome man steals your eyes, a funny man steals your laughs, a smart man steals your brain, and a gentleman steals your heart. Make an effort to steal them all and be the man you were meant to be. Focusing on who you are will attract whom you need to be with.

Some may say, “bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” However, the greatest piece of advice I can give you is that when you meet the person you want to truly be with, your decision will not be difficult. It’s good to remind ourselves that, “life is  a story that is all twisted and turned and all that matters is the lessons we learn.” In my opinion, when someone expresses any bisexual stigma, it stems from ultimately being afraid that you will hurt them. Change your focus from dating everyone to finding someone and all the pieces should fall into place.

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