QSaltLake talks to God

God is getting quite a lot of media attention these days.  First, there was the “God Loves Gays” billboard in Topeka, KS.  Now, if space can be found, it looks like another is on its way to Salt Lake City.  QSaltLake’s Bob Henline sat down with God to ask about the project, his past, and his plans for the future.

Bob:  Where do you live?

God:  Heaven.  I have a summer home on Kolob.

Bob:  How long have you been God?

God:  Not sure, but it feels like forever.

Bob:  What made you decide to become God?

God:  I just sort of fell into it, ya know?  Been doing this so long I don’t even remember when I started.

Bob:  What were your most memorable experiences (both good and bad) in your time as God?

God:  The dinosaurs were a lot of fun.  The Flood.  Pretending to be human was fun but difficult.  If I could go back to the start, I’d spend more time on humans.  I was on a frantic 6 day schedule which led to some poor results.

Bob:  Your statement on the Indiegogo page is pretty clear about why you decided to do the billboard, how has that been received?

God:  Very well, for that that actually read.  Most people on the Internet refuse to read anything longer than a sentence.

Bob:  The campaign has grown from its initial goal, you’ve now raised $30,000 for The Trevor Project, Planting for Peace and the National Alliance to End Homelessness.  Why did you choose these particular groups?

God:  Many LGBT youth are made to feel so unwelcome in this society. They often struggle with homelessness, depression, and feelings of suicide. The Trevor Project and the Equality House work to help LGBT youth by providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services. The National Alliance to End Homelessness works to do exactly that; end homelessness. Veterans have also been targeted in the past and so many of our homeless today are veterans. It’s extremely important to help them.

Bob:  You mentioned in your email that you’ve received a number of questions from LGBT youth who feel out of place in our society.  What message would you give to kids who are right now coming to terms with who they are in an often hostile world?

God:  Breathe deep and know that it will get better. Don’t worry about what bigots say. You are perfect just as you are. God loves you.

Bob:  Respond to critics who label what you’re doing as “trolling.”

God:  The one thing the devil cannot stand is to be mocked and ridiculed. Lol…what an insecure prick.

Bob:  Utah’s Attorney General has filed an appeal with the Supreme Court, defending Utah’s “right” to prohibit same-sex marriage.  80 elected members of the legislature have filed an amicus brief supporting that appeal.  What message do you have for them?

God:  God loves LGBT people. As such, all their amicus briefs shall be smited down by the Supreme Court.

Bob: What is “God’s plan” for the future?

God:  In 1978 the Mormon Church changed its mind about black people. I shall change their mind about gay people as well.

Bob:  And, I have to ask, why the flood?  Was there really no alternative to genocide or were you just having a really bad day?

God:  Hey, sometimes you just have to turn it off and turn it back on again and it fixes the glitch. It didn’t work, but I had to try. I had to. The guy on the phone from Universe Tech Support told Me to and was pretty insistent.

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