Creep of the Week

Creep of the Week: One Million Moms

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By D’Anne Witkowski
Alert! Alert! All One Million Moms to their battle stations! A new TV show has a gay. I repeat: a new TV show has a gay. Until President Ted Cruz makes such defilements of the small screen a Federal Hate Crime against Christians, we must join our 2 million hands together and Pray the Gay Away!
The particular gay is the character Kenny O’Neal on the new ABC sit-com “The Real O’Neals,” a show about a Catholic family. To make matters worse, Kenny is played by openly gay actor Noah Galvin and the TV show is loosely based around the life of Notorious Gay Dan Savage. Which makes this a gay trifecta and is probably a sign of End Times.
Or it could just be yet another in a long line of likely short-lived mediocre sitcoms that deal with all kinds of family trials and tribulations.
But one can never be too sure! Which is why One Million Moms (a group that boasts 83,957 Facebook “likes” but doesn’t let math get in the way of its mission) says that “This Jesus-Ridiculing Show Needs to Go Dark Right Now” and is urging its members to contact Simply Orange (a Coca Cola product) and shriek at them for daring to run commercials during the depravity of “The Real O’Neals.”
“‘The Real O’Neals’ mocks Christianity and insults Catholicism,” One Million Moms laments on their website. “One Million Moms (1MM) recognizes this show ridicules people of faith, and Christians across America are offended by it.”
Yeah! Cue Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It!” Because if there’s anything Catholics never do, it’s poke fun at themselves! Humor is the devil’s work!
Things that 1MM singles out as depraved include the fact that Jesus appears to Kenny, and only Kenny, during a scene at a family restaurant and the fact that Kenny’s mom encourages him to try having sex with a girl.
Other things 1MM failed to mention but were probably also aghast at: Kenny’s girlfriend wants him to have sex with her and gives him a big box of condoms. When he goes into the bathroom to put one on, a beefy shirtless dude appears in the mirror and encourages him to “come out.” In a panic Kenny flushes the condoms down the toilet which causes it to overflow. The ceiling below begins to drip and then collapses, complete with condoms, onto the priest who is visiting downstairs.
Ha! So funny! Are you laughing so hard? Or are you, too, wondering how the ceiling could have become so damaged so quickly from an overflowing toilet? It’s not realistic, I tell you! Why aren’t One Million Plumbers taking to the streets over this show?
Seriously, though. As David Windsor, an executive producer of the show, told the Huffington Post, “At the end of the day, you are going to realize that (the show) is about this family that just loves each other. And faith is an important part of their lives.”
I get that 1MM is upset because it’s their job to be upset. But part of what they’re mad about is the fact that a Catholic family is being portrayed as dysfunctional, and yet they’re still Catholic. If every family had to renounce their Christianity every time the parents got divorced or a child came out as gay, anorexic or a kleptomaniac (and the O’Neals are all of those things), there would be no Christians left.
Aside from the significantly less than 1 million self-righteous members of 1MM, of course.

DAnne Witkowski

D'Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

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