Creep of the Week

Creep of the Week: Gordon Klingenschmitt

By D’Anne Witkowski


Whenever people ask me why I decided to get breast cancer last year, I try to evade the question. Maybe I just like spending time in hospitals. Maybe I have a surgery fetish. What I never admit is that I did it for the bonus pay.

You might be wondering, what’s this “bonus pay” you speak of? Well, up until Oct. 28 it was definitely a TOP SECRET part of the Gay Agenda.

But then LGBTQ hate scholar Gordon Klingenschmitt had to go and reveal the plan to the world.

It all started with an announcement from the National Institute on Minority Health and Health Disparities (part of the National Institute of Health) that they had formally designated “sexual and gender minorities (SGMs) as a health disparity population for NIH research.”

“The term SGM encompasses lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender populations, as well as those whose sexual orientation, gender identity and expressions, or reproductive development varies from traditional, societal, cultural, or physiological norms,” wrote NIMHD Director Eliseo J. Pérez-Stable, M.D.

“Mounting evidence indicates that SGM populations have less access to health care and higher burdens of certain diseases, such as depression, cancer, and HIV/AIDS,” Pérez-Stable continued. “But the extent and causes of health disparities are not fully understood, and research on how to close these gaps is lacking.”

In other words, the SGM designation is fairly broad, intended to catch people who often fall through the cracks in the health care system and try to, you know, stop that from happening. Because a healthy country is a stronger country and everyone deserves access to health care, right?

Not so believes Klingenschmitt, an actual elected official in the Colorado House of Representatives. During his Oct. 28 “news” program he scoffed, “You mean they’re segmenting out, for study, an entire group of people who behave a certain way that has corresponded now to a decline in their health? Could it be that their behavior and their health are connected? The federal government’s gonna study this. Oh my gosh! As if we already didn’t know.”

Right? Everybody already knows that the reason LGBTQ people (or “the gay crowd” as Klingenschmitt says) get sick is because they’re sickos. End of study. Thanks, Dr. Klingenschmitt!

Klingenschmitt’s focus on the “behavior” is interesting, especially since Pérez-Stable wrote, “Progress has been made in recent years, with gains in legal rights and changing social attitudes. However, stigmatization, hate-violence, and discrimination are still major barriers to the health and well-being of SGM populations. Research shows that sexual and gender minorities who live in communities with high levels of anti-SGM prejudice die sooner—12 years on average—than those living in more accepting communities.”

Huh. It sure does seem like someone’s behavior has something to do with it. Maybe Klingenschmitt should examine his own if he’s really so concerned with LGBTQ lives.

Klingenschmitt continues, “I always worry a little bit when they say these people are under-served because what that means is they’re going to start pouring out more government handouts to people who behave a certain way. So now they’re going to get bonus pay to treat the diseases which they bring on due to their behavior. Your taxpayer dollars at work.”

Take that, taxpayers! Getting sick to get that sweet bonus pay is the life! Granted, I haven’t gotten my check yet, but I’m sure it’ll be huge! I can’t wait! (Seriously. I can’t wait. I couldn’t work for nearly a year. Please send the check ASAP along with my Obama phone, thanks).

D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

DAnne Witkowski

D'Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

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