Creep of the Week

Creep of the Week: Tony Perkins

By D’Anne Witkowski


As I write this, the polls have just opened in America. I do not yet know the outcome of any races. I am hopeful, because the alternative is to just simmer in dread all day and I’m not going to do that.

Bill Maher had a great piece on his show recently giving Trump credit for exposing the hypocrisy of the religious right. The fact that so many Christians who have been claiming moral superiority for years are supporting Trump, one of the most immoral men to ever run for the presidency, is proof that the religious right is full of shit.

A shining example is Family Research Council President and professional hate-monger Tony Perkins, who has a major Trump boner that he has been stroking with increasing fervor and intensity.

According to Perkins, if Trump doesn’t get elected then Hillary Clinton will snuff out Christianity in America right quick.

“Our nation is hanging by a thread over a raging fire,” he told Ohio pastors during a conference call. “And I’m not saying Donald Trump is the answer, but what I am saying, I am confident he will give you and I the space as Christians to exercise our freedoms in such a way to win the hearts and minds of men, women and children with the gospel of Jesus Christ so that we might transform this nation and turn it back to God again. That, I believe, is what is at stake in this election.”

That’s right. The man who said “grab ‘em by the pussy” is going to turn the nation back to the Jesus.

But it’s true that “our nation is hanging by a thread over a raging fire,” and that raging fire is inside of Trump’s hell mouth. He’s dangling the country over his gaping maw and hoping that people will vote to dive right in. If we’re lucky America won’t spend the next four years traveling through Trump’s digestive system and eventually getting spit out through his colon.

It’s interesting that Perkins said that Trump is going to give Christians “space.” Isn’t that what your girlfriend gives you right before she breaks up with you? It’s almost as if Perkins knows, deep down, that Trump is an immoral creep and that the best thing he can hope for from him is distance.

And yet Perkins has attached himself to the horror show that is Trump and, if there really is any mercy in this world, will go down with the sinking Trump ship.

Perkins also worries that his organization will lose its tax-exempt status under a President Clinton. I hope he’s right. The man runs a certified hate group which should not be subsidized by taxpayers.

One of the biggest things at stake is, of course, the Supreme Court. And Perkins is perfectly happy to see an Utz cheeseball covered in dryer lint elected President so that he can appoint right-wing justices that will overturn pesky rulings like marriage equality and abortion rights.

And according to Perkins, Trump has been more than happy to let Perkins scrawl his hateful anti-anyone who isn’t a heterosexual white Christian man on the GOP platform, making this year’s platform the most anti-gay ever.

“I have had to fight every Republican campaign, including George W. Bush’s campaign, John McCain’s, Mitt Romney’s, on the platform over life issues, marriage issues, human sexuality,” Perkins said. “I’ve had to fight every campaign except Donald Trump’s campaign.”

Embracing hate is, of course, not the same thing as espousing Christian ideals, but Perkins, who heads a hate group, wouldn’t know the difference anyway. And Trump, bigoted and ignorant, wouldn’t either. So I guess they really are perfect for each other.

DAnne Witkowski

D'Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

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