Whoopie Whoopsies: 5 perilous places to have sex

Your bedroom may not be the most adventurous or appealing place to have sex, but at least it’s safe – unlike these five sought-after lovemaking destinations. From revving your engine in the car to taking flight in a locked and upright position, avoid bangin’ in these five lustful locations like your life depends on it.

In the Car

While it may seem innocuous to unbuckle your seat belt and delight your partner with an impromptu road head sesh, it can be dangerously distracting. Speeding, drifting out of the lane, and letting go of the steering wheel are common consequences of sex acts while driving, according to the journal of Accident Analysis and Prevention, all of which can lead to tragedy. And don’t expect to get off easy if that happens: Several drivers have gone to prison for manslaughter after their partners were ejected from the car and killed during auto-sex gone wrong.

At Your Place of Employment

Many employers prohibit workplace romance for one reason: When the relationship goes awry, it can affect productivity and morale. Throw sex into the mix (who hasn’t daydreamed about sending the contents of their desk to the floor in the throes of passion?) and it’s a ticking time bomb poised to decimate everything in its path – especially if one or the other’s business is shady. A 2014 survey conducted by the Vault reports that 45 percent of employees surveyed have known a married co-worker to have an affair at the office, while another 36 percent admitted to knowing a married co-worker who engaged in sexual liaisons while on a business trip. Perhaps this is nothing to pursue if the covert dealings go off without a hitch, but expect HR to intervene if these “side gigs” start affecting the company’s reputation or revenue.

In the Great Outdoors

Sex outdoors is only illegal if you get caught, which is why you should ensure there’s no potential for discovery. Some state laws will brand you a sex offender for life if you’re caught exposing yourself in the vicinity of anyone unsuspecting, so it’s wise to keep your au natural-lovin’ limited to secluded areas that have little to no traffic. But while enjoying each other physically deep in the woods during a hike may seem safe, you should take precautions: Examine the area for would-be deterrents, like unpleasant flora and fauna, to avoid insect bites and poison-plant exposure where the sun don’t shine.

At the Gym

It’s a common occurrence in urban gyms to witness or even participate in sex acts in the steam rooms and saunas, but you may reconsider the extent of your trysts with these staggering statistics. According to Men’s Health, “Those white, fluffy towels stacked neatly by the showers have the appearance of being fresh and clean, but they might be teaming with E. coli or MRSA. Sometimes gyms use the same transport containers for dirty and ‘clean’ towels, which often pass through multiple employees’ hands before landing in the locker room.” If that’s not enough to make you recoil before terry-snapping that hot guy’s ass, let this fester: Men’s Fitness revealed a few more common gym germs found on equipment and in the locker room, including HPV, Klebsiella, staph, Candida, strep and influenza – not to mention the potential STDs you can contract from physical contact or fluid exchange with another gym-goer.

On a Plane

Your hot-blooded relationship coupled with a long flight is basically an invitation to join the coveted Mile-High Club (95 percent of flyers said they want to become members of the secret society, according to a Skyscanner survey), but you could be in for a rude awakening once you reach your final destination if you get caught, just one of the many unfortunate results of post-9/11 heightened security. While flight attendants still largely look the other way when a couple “moves about the cabin,” not all passengers get lucky. In February 2002, two British men set off a full-scale security alert when they ventured to the bathroom for an in-the-clouds quickie. Fighter jets were called in to escort the plane to landing at JFK, and the embarrassed blokes were sent back to the United Kingdom from whence they came.

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

Mikey Rox

Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He currently lives in his van, saving money and traveling the country. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyroxtravels.

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