by Phoenix
Anguish
it has to be with/
the crazy style
feel some(thing) (ir)relevant
or anguish
I am angular
not quite felt sharp-angled
parted too hard and spent (out)
high from pure pennies
American wealth
pennies and momentum
I don’t actually say though
I say it’s something dealt like Jack cards
felt by nothing death or sharp [and shard]
the peaceful shades and spade of jack
it’s anguish like this sharp card and shard
I cried on the sidewalk last night
did it matter(ed)
or was I just biology
anguish/replenish
the pain is radical I am a fool
where the blood red Phoenix Arizona t-shirt
if it makes you feel any better
if it makes you happy and sad
the poem is bigger
then the page of your tears and ideas
I don’t believe
know if I can survive
crazy, crazy style for a pack of cards
or wolves a pack of wolfed give
yourself the space and rhythm of time
hardwired like your friend
he went incognito
what shall it be
logic breaks down
into poetry
I am depressed and want to kill myself
balance a balance struck
anguish is my card or penny
my writing Jacked
nothing in
this
I hand hurts
so let me anguish smash
my hand
hurt from write
it’s anguish and irrational
a rash null
ration(ed) reason(ed)
(no detail—)
the anguish is crash
I respond
I move on
in
in spades
generate
create creative created
pain and
—
thought
give staccato
too much
word(s)
feel just
an
an
anguish
feel
pinned pained
adult is dead kid dead
don’t under
stand back backlash(ed)
he’ll hurt hell
hurt himself too
and shall though
is
willed
will
long
soliloquy or sorrow
and shape(d)
sorry for an
sorry for (an)
but heavy metal anguish
heavy metal
an
an
an
an
anguish
anguished and
wished
felt
dealt
it’s not
real
just let(ted) go
Agony
I create within
I worry and we’re eh
and agony
my thoughts are that sharp blade
corrected in blood red stuck
and hellbound stayed
I don’t see myself in some stupid religion
of massacre masochism
my thoughtful hurt and
the blade sharp blade and cut
moment in my mind
alert
so sharp and
I’m sadistic by it
the mental torment
tormented too tormented
and
the dark is the agon-
the agony
I’m on my bent knees
confessed prayer of my pain
I create something like agony
refrain
to be afraid is to derail all non-paranoia
I just feel the words and it
its intuit
strong feelings of
paranoid narration
standard deviation
no tunnel vision creation
I stab my heart for non-theatrics
though my thoughts are terminal
terminally
sincere since dramaturgical
and not quite felt pain
what is the nature of good and evil
what will we do
what can we do
when the knife is agony
when blade surgery
I reject the confusion in my skepticism
I have often said
have half said it is
it is my mind that hurts
but no one believes me or knows
what to express and empathize
I don’t like myself so I agon-
I create in agon-
in
agony
anguish I dismiss and
release
I’m slanted by slant can’t words
intentions negative like
created bent thoughts
don’t
though you’ll tell me and I
fault though
fall
agony of motivation
I get it out of my system with ink
something
yet within will think
I’m just
always just
just
though injust unjust will sway and
the way will
fallen
yet I remember
remind fixation
on my fiction of
fractured fractioned
some imaginary crucifixion
is just an emotional story to tell a
little bit of ag-
agony
and
it’s my poetry
I am always happy
to show you another poem I wrote
even if it is
my ink agony
Gay Writes is a DiverseCity Writing Series writing group, a program of SLCC’s Community Writing Center. The group meets the 2nd and 4th Monday of each month, 6:30–8 p.m., 210 E. 400 South, Ste. 8.
