New Year’s resolutions

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What the heck is a resolution anyway? According to Wikipedia “A New Year’s resolution is a tradition in which a person resolves to change an undesired trait or behavior; to accomplish a personal goal or otherwise improve their life,” and approximately 50 to 60 percent of us proclaim one each year. Many choose to make changes to their diets and exercise habits. Others choose to focus on mental or spiritual well being. A smaller number dedicate to making financial changes, setting goals to pay off a certain loan, or get out of debt entirely.

But what about our sexuality? What about pleasure? It’s rare to hear of someone making resolutions to improve their sexual health; allowing themselves more orgasms; or committing to exploring a fantasy or fetish. What better time than now?

Try Something New

It can be so easy to get into a sexual rut. Sometimes, that amazing maneuver we once found to be the best orgasmic trigger of all time, becomes scripted and routine. Make this the year to try something new. Shop for that new toy you’ve been holding off on getting. If shopping in person makes you uncomfortable, look at websites such as GoodVibrations.com where queer and body positive books, toys, and videos can be easily found. Have a question about something you see? Every employee at Good Vibrations is also a sex educator. Sometimes that new toy, new trick, or new video can be just the thing to take you over a new sexy pleasure edge.

Educate Yourself

Read books that are informative about sexual expression or gender identities. If reading isn’t your thing, download audible books and listen while you drive, clean, sit cozy by the fire, whatever. Make this the year that you gain knowledge about not only yourself, but those you care about too. Educate yourself skill wise as well.

Get a book of sexual positions, such as Classic Sex Positions Reinvented by Moushumi Ghose; Curvy Girl Sex by Elle Chase; or The Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joannides, Psy.D and Daerick Gröss Sr. If you have a partner willing to read and explore them with you, all the better. If not, take time to get to know your body better so when you are with a partner you can show them what you’ve learned. This body knowledge will not only serve you, but also anyone else you physically interact with.

Build Community

Reach out to that crush you’ve been too shy or nervous to talk to. Take up a rope bondage workshop or tantra class. Visit the Utah Pride Center. Explore the Utah Polyamory Society. Visit the Utah Cuddle Club and get some of your touch needs met. Join a meetup group, such as Sex Positive Salt Lake City, that explores gender identities, relationship configurations, or sexual expressions. Attend a discussion group that focuses on sexuality. Not finding a community that resonates with you? Consider starting one. Chances are, if you’re interested in a certain something and waiting for someone else to organize it, there are probably others thinking the same thing.

Strike a Pose

How many of us like getting our picture taken? Most cringe at the thought so suggesting a boudoir shoot can be even more intimidating. However, the right photographer can make all the difference. Maybe you have a certain fetish outfit that you absolutely love but keep hidden in the back of your closet. Maybe you’ve been afraid to expose your full nude body to another person. With the right lighting and pose this could be incredibly empowering.

Check out LGBT affirming Cat Palmer Photography, based here in Salt Lake City. Keep in mind, your photos are for you and don’t have to be shared with any other. Although, you may be surprised at just how amazing they turn out. Professional photography still too scary? Play with lighting and editing. Create your own sexy selfie session. More than likely the camera on your phone has some pretty magical photo skills.

Whatever the resolution, make it your own, for your betterment. Whatever you’ve been fantasizing about trying, if it’s consensual with any others who may be involved, now is the year to give yourself permission.

Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist. She lectures internationally and divides her time, and private practice between Salt Lake City, Utah and Los Angeles, California. She can be reached at [email protected]