A second son’s perspective

As you may remember, for the November issue, I asked our oldest son to share his insights into what it was like growing up with two dads during a time when families headed by same-gender parents weren’t very common. Well, now it’s Niko’s turn. His answers have only been edited for clarity. The context and meaning of his responses are his own.

Growing up, what was the most common question you heard from your schoolmates and friends about having two dads?

Usually, they would just ask if I had ever had a mom at some point.

What was it like not having a mom?

You know, it sounds kind of weird, but I really didn’t care or think about it. It was just normal.

What about now? What do people say when they hear there is no mom and never was one?

People have warmed up to the idea, knowing that it is a possibility. A lot of them say, “Oh, okay, cool.”

Do you volunteer that you have 2 dads, for example, “Oh, what do your mom and dad do?” or do you just let it be?

Honestly, I usually just let it be because sometimes I don’t want to have to explain it.

What kind of discussions did you have with your girlfriends?  

I say I have two dads and move on with the conversation. That’s usually the end of it.

There was one kid who couldn’t come to your brother’s birthday party because of his parents’ “deeply held religious beliefs.” Were there kids who didn’t want to hang out with you because of your dads?

No, they usually don’t mind or don’t care.

You’re quite the jock. We were in the stands almost all the time. Did you ever get grief from fellow players?

Actually, no. I guess most of the time, they didn’t even know who my parents were.

Do you think you missed out on not having a mom?

Not at all because my friends all had moms. They treated me like just one of their kids, so I got that mom experience.

What was the worst part — be honest — about having two dads?  

Being totally honest, there really wasn’t a worst part. We were always just like other families.

What was the best part?

Most of the time, it was super fun. We did a lot of different things that I don’t think other families did.

What do you think we did especially well as parents?

Probably how you taught me how to handle myself in real, everyday situations.

Anything we were crap at?

Gus says it’s that you let me do whatever I want, but not him. Guess that’s tough luck for him!

[AUTHOR’S NOTE: Both statements are untrue!]

Anything you’d like to add?

I think from a social aspect in today’s world, now that gay and lesbian marriage is very common, having two dads gives me a very good understanding and acceptance of others when they say, ‘Oh, I’m actually lesbian, or I’m gay,’ because I have always been around it. It’s not a strange or different thing for me to have to think about.

Asking my boys to answer these questions was frankly a little scary. I wanted them to be completely truthful, but feared I might not like what they had to say. True to form, getting them to answer was like pulling teeth – especially Niko, although I was prepared for that (he can be a mini me sometimes). In the end, I was more than a little grateful to learn that they think our family is pretty awesome. So do their dads. Always will.

Thanks, boys!