Catching My Breath: The New Twink
How many of you have a good phone call buddy? You know … that person who actually still likes chatting on the phone. For me, it’s one of my gay besties, Wes. At least once every four to six weeks, we have “Wes & Wine” time. Or maybe it’s “Wes & Whine” time, depending on our moods.
We share a birthday week. Mine is on May 23rd, with his two days before mine. In our most recent chat, we started talking about how much things have changed. Specifically, about young men in their 20s, twinks, have changed. Especially poignant to us, perhaps, because we met in our twink phase.
Chris Stanley, aka StanChris, and frequent collaborator Art Bezrukavenko look like models seen in the long-shuttered XY Magazine. With the former hosting reels, “Twink Secrets,” and the latter talking about his determination to leave Ukraine due to his sexuality. They offer compelling looks into their lives, all while dropping hints or openly referring to spicy content. So too does Cali Brad, aka Blonde Jock, aka James Mark, who interviews people at events such as Toronto Pride or parties.
I don’t pay for OnlyFans, so I don’t know what level of spice they are dropping. (OK, during COVID, I may have peeked at Cali Brad.) But when there was a publicly acknowledged pause in their friendship and content production, I did my research to learn what happened. I was more interested in them than in any skin flicks.
However, we were told, as bright young things by older, well-meaning mentors, “Don’t do porn. You’re cute, you may get asked, but don’t do it. If an employer finds out, you could get fired or blackmailed.”
Well, in the age of OnlyFans, that’s certainly changed. My own husband, who was an exotic dancer at Portland’s Silverado, never went so far as to make a “blue movie.” Now, gay men in their early 20s are not only making porn, but they are also building self-made industries. They own their careers and their bodies. I watched one performer ask his mom to rate his scene partners!
And, they are always on the move!
“Look, where are they now? Oh, Paris. They’re gonna tour a bathhouse before shooting a group scene.”
Wes grew tired of city life, and he left his apartment in Philly’s famed Gayborhood to work remotely in New York State. He and his partner are slowly but surely turning their antique farmhouse into a home.
“I follow a lot of gay couples who are also renovating old houses,” Wes told me. “And I wondered: where do they get all this money to renovate, but still go on trips, and cruises, and still afford a $30,000 HVAC system?”
Wes’ partner filled him in, much to his shock, “They do OnlyFans.”
This is when we both reflected on our coming outs and the difference between our then and the collective now.
“And they do it bareback,” I said. Meanwhile, “I remember one model in a magazine,” yes, a physical porno magazine, “saying cum was nasty.”
Scissor Sisters’ Jake Shears, in his riveting memoir, Boys Keep Swinging, where he partly chronicles gay life in pre- and post-September 11th New York, talked about a lot of hookups in the East Village, but he said that most of it was oral sex. (This is the New York I knew and still fondly remember.) HIV was no longer a death sentence due to the new wave of drugs, but anal sex was something to be done only with a condom. But now, countless gay influencers candidly talk about how many guys they have finished in or been finished in by. This, of course, is because of PrEP.
These guys today, half our age, we reflected, look completely different from how we looked at their age. Sure, fashions change, but the sheer aesthetic is wildly different. Brandon Cardoso, who seems to live in Southern Florida, runs with a group of influencers often wearing basketball shorts and backward baseball caps. Yet, they don’t seem to have a jock vibe beyond a jockstrap.
I don’t begrudge this new twink, formed as they are by the rapidity and sometimes vapidity of social media, something we didn’t have. They are perhaps more readily accepted than we were because of the presence they serve their viewers. We had to reshape our identity a little bit more. We couldn’t just post our thoughts online with immediate kudos. The new twink may not look like we did, but their bravery and their willingness to be themselves are something I remember and recognize.
Although if I were one of the new twinks, I would still never ask my mother to rate my scene partners.
