Low-Hanging Fruit: Sparkling Whines, Champagne Problems, and Pressing Issues from My Gay Agenda

by Randy Rainbow, c.2024, St. Martin’s Press, $28, 224 pages

Whine, whine, whine.

You got something to say, say it. Got an opinion? The world is waiting. It doesn’t do any good to mutter, sputter or whine when something’s bothering you. As in the new book, “Low-Hanging Fruit” by Randy Rainbow, take it to the complaint department.

Randy Rainbow has a lot to say, and he’s not afraid to say it.

For starters, he’s “resigning from trying to fix you, effective immediately.” Any boneheaded thing you want to do now, whatever. Nothing is his responsibility anymore. He has other issues to worry about.

“The truth is,” he says, “I have a lot of complaints about a lot of things.”

There are right ways of doing things, he says, and there are wrong ways and we just all really need to know the difference – especially if you’re a “Karen.” Now, he’s compassionate if you were born with that name, but not too much.

“I’m a flamboyant homosexual who’s lived my entire life with the name Randy Rainbow, so you’ll get little sympathy from me in this department.”

Other than that, you may wonder what Rainbow’s (ahem) “position” is: he’s actually thinking about running for President as a member of “a Rainbow coalition…” He doesn’t have much experience, but he says if there’s one thing we’ve learned in the past few years, it doesn’t matter at all. He stands on a green platform, but he can’t ban fluorocarbons because, you know, the hair thing and all.

Rainbow misses his twenties, old-school dating sites, hooking up., and his former attention span. He waxes nostalgic about the places he’s lived, including an apartment overlooking a “fruit market.” He wonders why teenagers are suddenly “successful lifestyle gurus.” He hates it when “stars begin losing their luster,” and he wishes again for actors like Hayworth and Garbo.

But, he says, “Diva-complaints aside… I really do thank God for all the opportunities I’m given.”

So the Elephant in the Room right now might be one you’ll (never?) vote for, but you know that author Randy Rainbow will reliably skewer that political animal online, hilariously. The fun-poking continues in the most deliciously snarky way in “Low-Hanging Fruit.”

And yet, that’s not the only subject Rainbow tackles. Readers who love catching his posts and videos are treated here to a random string of observations, opinions, and rants-not-rants with the signature sassy style they’ve come to expect. What you’ll read can be spit-out-your-wine funny sometimes, and other times it touches a nerve with nods toward culture, new and old, that’ll make you nod with recognition. Nothing in Rainbow’s path goes without sharp-edged comment, which is exactly what you want from his books. Unexpectedly, this one also includes a soft word or two and a few slight confessions that are gentle and that might even make you say, “Awwwwww.”

If you’re ready for something snide and cynical that’ll make you laugh, something that you’ll want to read aloud to a companion, “Low-Hanging Fruit” is what you need. Look for this book now, and you’ll have no complaints.